At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
My breath smells like gin and sadness
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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