That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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