I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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