The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
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