So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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