Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
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Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
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Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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