I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize