she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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