i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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