Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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