so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
