why didn't you poke me back
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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