I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He called his prostate his "boner button".
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Just called the consul general of France "dude"
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
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There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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