i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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