a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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