3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize