He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
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You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
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why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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