I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
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I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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