Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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