I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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