in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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