like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize