My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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