Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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