I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Randomize