So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
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i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
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I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
This can only be settled by a dance off.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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