it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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