I just cut my nipple shaving
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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