What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
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She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
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Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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