Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
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In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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