he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
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I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
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Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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