I didn't shave. On purpose
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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