i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
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For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
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of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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