I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Walk of Shame today included voting.
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we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
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If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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