My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
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Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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