Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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