I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
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What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
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Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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