Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
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I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
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At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
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