Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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