Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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