i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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