I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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