he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
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