dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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