Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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