I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize