Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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