I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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