you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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