If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Randomize