My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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