I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
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