If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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